Rancangan Tergendala

I've lost my will to write.

I guess this means that transmission will be suspended until further notice.

When life lost its sense of excitement.

*something written 3 years ago...

Almost eight years ago, I finished my studies and graduated into the new world, waiting for me to conquer it. looking back, those eight years have flew by very quickly. No doubt there were times when I was sitting in front of the computer with an empty gaze, but then again in terms of the people I have met and things I have learned.

The culture in Malaysia is very much, you are worked for every single penny (or sen) you are being paid for. There is minimal holidays - some as little as 7 days for the first year at work and most Saturdays you are expected to work. Compare this to the 5 days nine to five job I now hold in London, I think that it is good for personal learning over here as I have absorbed so much more compared to the 6 years working in Malaysia.

But then again, in Malaysia, you are not paid to learn. You learn on the job and bear the brunt when the shit hits the ceiling. And you learn to hide under the table in fear that the swinging fan above you may swipe that same shit back at you. Thus comes the blame culture. Of course it happens here in the UK too, but I suspect when there is actually a proper system developed before hand, (or through hundreds of years) the impact is more minimal, unless you really screw things up.

Which coming back to my initial point, life has become mundane.

Knowing that the chances of you actually cocking up is ultimately in your own hands and unless someone has a bone to pick with you, you will not be fucked. This leads to the workplace being very superficial. On the surface once we meet colleagues around 8.45 am we are all in full smiles asking each other, "How ya?" when you actually don't really mean it. You then to go and complain and moan about certain things the company is going through and some of the national news throughout the day. Almost everyday, there will be the usual chat on the weather preferably over a cup of tea. Come 5 pm, we all rush out of the office and either go home or meet up with our own set of friends. Most of the time we wont know where our colleagues stay and they will be the last people we think of calling should anything happen.

How different is the culture in Malaysia?

Colleagues become our second family, all the good vibes and even the usual bickering amongst 'siblings' and some rivalry within the organisation makes it so much more interesting. At times, one just has to love the way the 'Chinaman' style of operations is handled. There is always the 'evil' one within the office that has a seemingly tight relationship with the bosses and which every staff seems to hate. And the whole point of the organisation seeming to run would be the need for money every month end to feed the bills of housing, cars and phones. Not to mention the occasional night out with the mates and everyday food.

So, how come this seems so enticing compared to the 'leisure' life in the UK?

Eight years ago I was raring to go, albeit not knowing really where to go. To end up in a profession that you didnt study for is one thing. To actually think eight years later if you should have made certain moves a few years back is just sad. We don't live in the past, so whatever happened, happened for a reason.

Whatever I learned will one day be put to practice. So, how did life end up so mundane?

Looking to the future, it looks bleak. Minus another year and it would mean I need to effectively work another 25 years before I can think of retirement. And that is the minimum. Current retirement age in the UK is 60 (or 65).

So just chill out and relax. Life has just begun.

To be or not to be?

So then I was having dim sum with some friends nearby Canary Wharf when the topic of horoscopes and 'sifu's' came about. Now a 'sifu' is directly translated as master - depending on what the master specialises in, but in this case was the type that predicts or gives your a forecast about your future.

Now, I am not one firm believer in all these things as it usually involves the law of averages and quite simply how well read a sifu really is. Example would be if most 'feng-shui' books recommend that a person born in the year X should get married that year, the sifu can simply recite a similar phrase in hope that you have read something similar somewhere, adding credence to what he says.

However, I believe that if I don't hear stuff, it should be fine. But once you get me to sit through a session and if I stubbornly go against all advice, then in the end if ill fate happens upon me - those present would use back the old masters sayings and say, "I told you so!"

So, to avoid such a scenario, I've listed some of the things I should or shouldn't be doing till the next lunar New Year. Please note that the Chinese calendar runs at a different time scale than that of the Gregorian calendar.

2nd month of the year - No investments please.
(16 March to 13 April)

3rd month of the year - Please go and do Ching Ming, if not - please pray pray outside the house you live in to your ancestors.
(14 April to 13 May)

4th month of the year - be careful while driving, potential for my number plate to come out in lottery. (read, 4D - however, which agency? which date? by the time I buy all dates for the whole month, the winning ticket, if I win, would probably be just enough to cover all losses!)
(14 May to 11 June)

5th month of the year – predicted problems with the girlfriend. Or rather they may be another candidate (girl) in your life.
(12 June to 11 July)

6th month of the year - Please do not attend any funerals
(12 July to 9 August)

7th month of the year - try and avoid anything to do with Ghost as it's also the Ghost month.
(10 August to 7 September)

8th month of the year - try not to invest in any friends, or loan any money.
(8 September to 7 October)

9th month of the year - Potential to lose money this month.
(8 October to 5 November)

10th month of the year - Please pray to your ancestors again.
(6 November to 5 December)

11th month of the year - Please don't go fishing or any water sports.
(6 December to 3 January)

12th month of the year - Please don't attend any funerals or baby's full month. Weddings are OK.
(4 January to 2 February)

I hope to do a review of this next Chinese New Year, either criticising or praising these predictions. Somehow, I reckon it would be the former...

Relativity.

It's funny how things can change in a matter of years. Once the hunter, you can become the hunted and vice versa.

It's also the matter of time.

For a long time it's been known that when you wait for someone, time moves slowly. Very slowly. Where as the person you are waiting for, say for a cup of tea may be in the process of getting there, but due to a mini jam, may have been a bit delayed.

But at the time of getting there, that person would actually be doing something.

So, time moves. Unlike for the person waiting.

Then, after a long wait - comes the tea session that could last hours. Those hours could pass by in a blink of the eye. And all the waiting previously endured would be forgotten.

So, I guess it's best we make ourselves as busy as can be - so as not to fall in the trap of waiting.

Liminality

"liminality is the ambiguous phase where the initiate is outside of society but preparing to reenter society"

The Next 24 Hours

About two years ago, I wrote about my 24 hour adventure to Old Trafford with some mates from London.

It's surprising where else 24 hours can get you. As the plane was flying towards Sao Paulo, my eyes caught a glimpse of a huge river. So huge was the river, it could possibly fit two planes.

It was not the Amazon though, that's further north. I started to imagine how huge THAT would be. Prior to landing, I saw many houses with swimming pools. It must be the Kenny Hills of Sao Paulo.

Then, not far away from these houses were smaller houses with no proper roads. It's true what FW said, development in certain places must be 10 years behind tanah air.

On the bus from the international airport (not very impressive for such a huge city) to the domestic airport, all the screens were blurred (why?). Do they not want us to see the sins of men as we luxuriously fly intercontinent?

The rain really reminds me of tanah air though. Not heavy, but just steady bordering torrential...

Footnote: Back to the airport, there didn't seem to be a system. It reminded me a bit about the old Subang airport when I was leaving tanah air to study in Sydney... 12 years ago!

There was impatience everywhere.

Oh and what of the X Factor finals? Along with me were a couple of hundred Brits who were equally unperturbed by the happenings back in the UK.

My own version of Foot in Mouth.

It's funny how sometimes we can be so certain of somethings. But it's funnier when the certainty we were sure of turns the opposite.

I thought that there would never come a day when I returned to the arms of the woman I'd loved before and released.

But today I realise. It is possible. Nothing is impossible in this world and there are a lot of things that are unpredictable, making living so interesting.

I guess, when I realised the depth of the situation, I knew that I could finally find it in my heart to love freely again.

A new dawn?