Stabbed

One night I sensed it, so I asked her - about her seeing her ex boyfriend again. Yet somehow, she managed to make it as if it was not her fault.

"You knew what you were getting into from the start!" she shouted. I felt awful at how it seemed that I was in the wrong knowing that she hadn't had a clean break from her past in the first. Like a detective going through a crime scene investigation, I demanded to know all the finest details.

She tried to avoid eye contact. I could imagine being part of The Killers latest single, "Mr. Brightside". Images of him with her flashed through my mind. I wished the world would just open a hole and suck me from my misery.

"We used a condom," she tried to reduce the irrepairable damage with a hint of honesty. It was as if everybody did this everyday like they use the toothbrush. "It didn't mean anything," she continued, as if our relationship did mean anything at that point of time.

I tried to see if there was a way to work things out, but ultimately - the questioned needed to be answered. "You have to choose, I give you till the end of today to sort things out". But deep down inside I knew. This was the end.

Cheating on someone does not make things better, it makes things worse. To me it's like a knife that cuts through our chest. The wound would heal someday, but the scar will forever remain. And everytime you see a knife - the same fear will strike again.

There were so many questions I wanted answered, but it just didn't come out. After being together for the time we had, I knew I could not go back with her again. For every relationship there needs to be trust. From that moment, I knew I could trust her as much as I could trust the love of a whore in Amsterdam.

Lesson of the day was that, if you rush into infidelity you have to be prepared for the damage. It was because of that I knew I could never, ever cheat on the woman I loved.

from the novel "Understanding Keith King" 2005